


When You Fall

by Symmet



Series: Daisy Chains [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Cole is having none of Solas' shit, F/M, Fade, Flemeth quotes, Neither is Lavellan, Warning: implied Suicide, because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 10:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5044123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symmet/pseuds/Symmet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dread wolf dreads what has become of his heart.</p><p>He is not nearly worried enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I made cover art!
> 
> [](http://s1295.photobucket.com/user/arlanengin/media/Daisy%20chains%203_zpskynybsob.png.html)

Something was terribly wrong. That much was evident to Solas. He had tried walking in her dreams, recently, but they had turned grey, faded. The sight of it made his stomach clench. He had sworn to himself that he would stay away. That he would never see her again.

For both their sakes.

Perhaps the foolish, hopeful promise had been more for his sanity than for hers. 

Now the horrible realization dawns that perhaps what he had hoped would ease her transition from him had instead worsened it.

When Cole didn't ignore his summons, he was actually relieved, but only momentarily. He had almost expected the Compassion spirit to react with hostility towards him, he knew that between he and his heart, the spirit had fully aligned with his vhenan. Almost seemingly _against_ him, it seemed, although things were hardly that simple.

He was actually worrying whether Cole was still Compassion.

The look in his eyes when he'd stared Solas down across the fire the last time they'd seen each other had haunted him.

Had her pain twisted him into something darker?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“There's bits of her scattered around here," the spirit said, almost fretfully looking around, as if he could spot them on the floor.

He bent down to the stone scratching at the cracks, "Little fragments caught in the edges."

Solas said nothing, seeming impassive while a storm raged on inside.

Cole twisted to look up at him, hands coming together like a wretch, begging, "If you're desperate you can look for some there, the first place, the torn down one, where Pangur had Cullen drop rocks on her and the dragon's head."

He turned back, appraising the ground, spreading his hands over it, “They're there if you know where to look, which you do, yes, _yes_."

A little mournfully, he added, "Oh, the daisies are gone. Perhaps the wind took them away with the promise."

He had picked up air, gathered it in his palms like he was cupping water or sand.

"One day, no one will know the difference between them." Cole have a soft laugh, “She used to pity me, because I am Cole now, but I wasn't always. Now she is no longer Pangur, and she understands. "

He stood up, offering perhaps a granule of air to Solas, who opened his palm and let the nothing be dropped there.

"What will happen to her?" Solas said quietly, “Will she ever -"

"No!" Cole's face became haggard, "No fat babies for the Inquisitor! She'll go on for as long as she can and then - " Cole gave a gasp - "She'll look into my eyes."

Cole beat his chest soundlessly, backing up until he slid down a wall.

"Cole?" Solas began, but the spirt just shook his head, "Oh, oh, oh, I shouldn't be surprised that that was her plan. She doesn't want to stay, she's going to leave me behind anyways." The spirit turned boneless against the wall, head dropping like a puppet with it's strings cut.

"Why?" Solas intoned, “Are you not her closest friend?"

That seemed to drive Cole out of his hysteria, "The Inquisitor doesn't have friends. To have friends you must care for them, and to care for someone you need a heart, and you gobbled her heart up before you left her behind."

Solas' hand, previously reaching out towards the distraught spirit, retracted instantly, as if burned.

"She told me that," Cole hissed, clutching his head “And she was telling the truth, _her_ truth. In its own way. Like the Fade. The Fade has lots of truths. Burning, squelching, melting into each other and ripping themselves apart because they’re each trying to be the loudest."

"So why does she spend so much time in your company?" Solas said quietly, choosing to ignore it in favor of learning what he could of Pangur.

What had happened to his heart?

"She made me promise before she went," Cole said, "To remind her why she has to get up everyday. Once she's done inquisiting, she won't bother anymore. If they hadn't needed her, Pangur wouldn't have bothered leaving the Inquisitor behind. She would have just -" Cole made a low whistling noise as he mimed something dropping, "fell, like she fell for you. Maybe she's always been falling. But this time you're not there to catch her when she hits the ground."

Solas stared at the spirit in horror. _No. No, he was misunderstanding. Surely -_

Cole continued after a fashion, "Or the knife, one of the knives, the daggers named for your fangs, she would have laid it - here." A thin, pale hand flattens against his chest, above the place where a heart would be.

Silence stretched between them.

Before he could even open his mouth to ask, Cole had pointed and directed him towards where she waited.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She was at the top of one of the towers - an empty one, somehow still not yet fixed for the Inquisition's needs. Perhaps it is only in this dream. This state.

It bears a painfully striking resemblance to a certain ruined tower still at Skyhold.

The one that Cole had appeared to him in.

Solas thought of how Cole said she would have dropped to the ground, and he suddenly heard laughter rising from balcony, as if she'd heard him think it.

She was there, when he got to the top - back to him, facing the sky from the stone wrought window.

To the cloudless day she said, "Flemeth once said that it is only when you fall that you learn if you can fly."

She turned, "but what if you don't want to fly? Or you would have once but your wings were cut off?"

He stared.

There was nothing  _unkempt_ about her, per se. Her hair was neat, her clothing simple, and there were no bags under her eyes.

And yet everything about her felt...  _twisting._ As if the Fade itself began to warp around her very presence, trying to comprehend and conform to her mind but failing because her perception was too skewed and off kilter.

He opened his mouth - she frowned, “No, actually I lied. I have no idea if she only said that once, maybe she's said it several times in her life, I don't know."

"How do you know Flemeth." Solas said softly, watching that smooth face - so blank, so quiet.

What was it the Seeker had said? "What have you done to her?"

He had thought she might mourn, might _struggle_ , but...

But not _this_.

"I don't." She said.

"What happened to you?" Solas whispered when her blank eyes met his.

"You did." She sighed.

"Are you ... Tranquil? Is that what this is?" Solas stepped forward, but she smiled slightly, as if that were a good joke but she had no patience for laughter anymore.

"That would have been kinder, but no."

"To say that to someone who loves the Fade as much as I..." he murmured.

“Do you plan to die?" She said suddenly, "Just curious, for your great plan, I mean."

His eyes narrowed, and he deflected, “Do _you_?"

"Of course," she said, “There is little other motivation for me to keep going, otherwise."

"That is backwards thinking." Solas argued quietly.

"Perhaps." She said.

The weight grew too much to bear, "Pangur-"

But she grimaced and shook her head, "No, _no_ , when you left her that day, you left her to die, you were warned. Threatened. Promised. Make your pick, it happened, you chose to let her die."

Solas shook his head, " _No_ , you are standing right in front of me-"

She sighed, "I am, it's true, but not Pangur. _Pangur_ is dead. Gone. Packed up and booted out. She would have promised to wait eternity for you, but then you would have promised to never come back. And then she would have killed herself, but of course it never just _ends,_ does it? You tried to, but it doesn't work like that. She would become a demon, and she could not bear becoming something you might have to fight, might have to kill. So she left."

Solas opened his mouth in shock but no words came out.

Had she figured it out? Had it been because of Cole that she realized? How flimsy the lines between mortal and spirit truly were.

Her expression turned slightly tortured, hands coming up as if pleading with him to understand, "You would have turned her away from her original _purpose_ \- to love you. That was all she _wanted_ , all she was, and you _took_ that from her."

Solas shook his head, "Ma vhenan -"

" _NO_ ," she said, "Lie to yourself if you must but do not expect me to echo the lie back to you. If you will not listen, I will act, Inquisition or no."

Solas almost didn't understand until she had backed up against the balcony railing.

"I would catch you." He said, stiff with the uncertainty of those words.

She grinned, "But Solas," she protested playfully, leaning back, his grip on his staff turning vice-like.

"Pangur-" he pleaded, a hand reaching out.

"But what if -" she started.

"Don't -" he said, voice shaking.

"I do not want to fly?"

"Please." He whispered.

 

She fell.

 

The very air shuddered with a shock wave as the color exploded back into the Fade.

Her dream ended and he felt her consciousness recede as she woke.

Solas knew if he overstepped his boundaries again, she would not hesitate to repeat that action in the Waking world.

And she would suffer more than waking up in her bed if she did.


End file.
